Why I never get any sleep...

No, really, it's 2 AM here and I really was going off to bed and then I came across this. I had to read it twice and verify that I wasn't at ScrappleFace.

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry on Friday vowed to "destroy the terrorists"...

Isn't that exactly what the opposition has been criticizing the Bush admin about all this time? So, if YOU, Kerry, do it when YOU are president, it's OK but NOT when the sitting president does it? Uh...

"If I'm president of the United States, we will not hesitate to move rapidly to get this internationalized in a way that ends combat operations and begins to get our troops out rapidly," Kerry said in the interview.

If? Well, nice to know that you are not yet sure to win in November. Move rapidly... Excuse me, but isn't that another criticism I've been hearing about GWB's admin? '...get this internationalized...' What? Uh, isn't there a date coming up...June 30th. Something's happening that day. And if you were president, you'd only move in to the WH, uh, in January 2005. Or maybe you'd postpone it a bit for some reason, I don't know. As for the 'international' part, isn't there, I mean, aren't there, you know, like other countries already there in Iraq with the US? I'm pretty certain I heard about the Brits and some people called 'coalition'. Sounds awfully international to me.

Asked whether troops would be in Iraq in four years, Kerry said he was hopeful combat would be completed, and added, "there may be some presence of an international force. I think the United States needs to end the sense of American occupation and I will do that."

Four years? So, in four years is 'rapid' if YOU are president, but ONE year and a bit for the Bush admin is...ummm...too long? I'm confused. My palms are starting to sweat... What's a 'sense of American occupation'? Do you mean a perception? Man, for a lawyer and senator guy, you don't be speaking very good Inglish. I agree that this perception that Americans are occupying Iraq should indeed be replaced with the reality of the situation which is that there is a coalition in Iraq, but I think I mentioned that earlier. Maybe you could start mentioning the c-o-a-l-i-t-i-o-n sometimes when you talk like this, you know. Who knows, some journalist might actually print it and people would no longer have this skewed 'perception'. Get your friends to use it to. It'll get around quicker that way!

Kerry said losing in Iraq would be dangerous for the United States and the world, but he promised to get Americans home "as fast as possible with honor."

Right on, dude! I'm glad that you see that liberating Iraq was a good thing. But, wait, I must have missed something... Why are you 'promising' something so, well, logical? Are you the first one promising to get our soldiers home ASAP? And what's that little 'with honor' thing at the end there?

A decorated Vietnam veteran, Kerry evoked the image of veterans of an earlier fight - World War II - as he stood before the command train used by Army Gen. Dwight Eisenhower. He said it was time to return the nation to the spirit of the greatest generation.

Naw! You were in 'Nam! I didn't know! Maybe you met my dad there. He did two tours. My dad had a Bronze Star, a Purple Heart and a few others. I used to love opening up the boxes and looking at them. He never really told me how he got the Purple Heart. You've probably noticed that soldiers tend not to talk about the wars they've been in, the fighting they've seen, the wounds they recovered from. My dad was always proud to wear his ribbons. (He tried to go see The Deerhunter once and walked out after 20 minutes.) I was so proud of my dad. I digress... Umm, ...'return the nation'... There you go again being negative. 'Greatest generation'. You know what? It gets tiring. Haven't you got something nice to say?

The Democrat criticized President Bush's "blustery, arrogant policies" and told about 300 people... "I will destroy the terrorists, but I am going to build a bridge to every last country we can so war is the last resort."

You no speak Inglish good. You really should carry a little dictionary with you. What is a blustery, arrogant POLICY? I have no idea what you're jabbering about here. Blustery means, well, windy. Arrogant means, well, you know, like the French telling the USA what to do. THAT's arrogant! So, how is a policy... I think I'll leave it there. You're a senator... I guess your state is a little hard up. Or maybe they don't realize that JFK is dead and you have your name printed 'JFK' on the ballot. Weird. Have you ever been checked out for Alzheimer's? You seem to live outside reality. The destroying part is already in progress, although the goal is more about getting rid of terrorISM. You following me? What's this crap about bridges...war...last resort. Which countries are you talking about? You mean countries that the USA doesn't already have diplomatic ties with? 'Cause actual bridges would be physically impossible in most cases. I mean, there are already bridges up between the US and Mexico and Canada... Maybe you mean you want to play everybody-love-me-please with countries like France who only want one-way bridges, all take and no give? That's just plain dumb. You suffer from lack of self-esteem, perhaps? Um, and you know these Islam-riddled terrorists aren't, you know, worried too much about what countries are doing. They seem to be more interested in killing Jews or bringing down Western civilization, you know, things like that.

You know, for a guy who wants to be my president, you don't seem to know a lot about what's going on out there. Piece of advice - don't give up the day job.