NYC Letter: Busy Allah

It's just so obvious to the self-righteous:

THE TERRORIST KATRINA IS ONE OF THE SOLDIERS OF ALLAH…
BUT NOT AN ADHERENT OF AL-QAEDA

This article, which appeared August 31, 2005 in the Kuwaiti daily Al-Siyassa, was scribed by one Muhammad Yousef Al-Mlaifi, a high-ranking Kuwaiti donkey, director of the Kuwaiti Ministry of Endowment's research center. Mr. Al-Mlaifi offers a simple theodicy, Allah has settled on hurricanes to scourge the infidel Americans.

It is almost certain that this is a wind of torment and evil that Allah has sent to this American empire. Out of my absolute belief in the truth of the words of the Prophet Muhammad, this wind is the fruit of the planning [of Allah], as is stated in the text of the Hadith of the Prophet. ...I opened the Koran and began to read in Surat Al-R'ad ['The Thunder' chapter], and stopped at these words [of Allah]: 'The disaster will keep striking the unbelievers for what they have done, or it will strike areas close to their territory, until the promise of Allah comes to pass, for, verily, Allah will not fail in His promise. ' [Koran 13:31]."

Thankfully infidel-scourging Allah draws the line at signing up with Mr. bin Laden. Whew! Thanks, Allah. Gives the infidels a sporting chance.

But Allah, his hands full with the infidel problem, also manages some house-cleaning among the faithful.

QUAKE IS 'PUNISHMENT FROM ALLAH'

Preaching from the ruins of his once beautiful mosque, the Mullah of Battal offered a simple answer to the question posed time and again since the Pakistan earthquake: why?

''Allah has sent this great punishment on account of our misdeeds," he said, jabbing a finger at the open sky. "We must now end our rebellion against the orders of Allah and submit ourselves again to his ways."

Well, maybe yes and maybe no. We are here thinking of a fellow from the land of Uz.

We are not theologians and cannot competently comment on the instruments and operations of God, but it is safe to say that God would show a stronger hand than Katrina if Mr. Al-Mlaifi's surmise were correct. To the Mullah of Battal we would suggest that when God decides on chastening, He does not leave us guessing.