NYC Letter: What's All This Then?

BLAIR: GOD WILL JUDGE ME ON IRAQ

March 4, 2006 (Telegraph) - Tony Blair believes he will be judged by God and history on whether he did the "right thing" in taking Britain to war against Iraq three years ago.

"In the end there is a judgment that … well, I think if you have faith about these things then you realise that judgment is made by other people," Mr Blair said.

Asked what he meant by that, Mr Blair added: "By other people, by, if you believe in God, it's made by God as well. The only way you can take a decision like that is to try to do the right thing, according to your conscience and for the rest of it you leave it to the judgment that history will make."

DON'T WAIT FOR GOD. WE WILL JUDGE YOU
Near Civil Meltdown In Iraq Greets
The Third Anniversary Of Shock And Awe.
To Families Who Mourn
It Seems The World Has Forgotten

March 5, 2006 (Observer/Mary Riddell) - This time three years ago, the planet echoed to the testosteronic [sic] din* of men marching to war. The UN said no, but God said yes. ... On Ministry of Education figures, 64 children have been murdered in the last four months and 57 injured [by insurgents]. Remember them on Wednesday. They are the ones failed by military onslaught and by Tony Blair's God. They are also the reminder that those who seek a political solution for Iraq cannot afford to fail.

* We surmise, an appalling racket produced by testosterone.

An open letter to The Observer:

To the editors of The Observer, dear sirs or madams or both, such salutation addressing the hermaphroditic, the transgendered, and those of no determinable sex on The Observer staff as well,

What's all this then?

A religious person in office? Good God!

As the respected right honorable member for Bethnal Green and Bow, I can tell you straight up we don't want any of this bead rattling in government. We want proper Protestants in high office. Anglicans. Or, in a pinch, Peligians. Stout Protestants who restrict religious observance to sleeping in on Sundays and the vicar's off-hour bingo parlor.

The last person I want in office is someone with a conscience. I want someone ruled by REASON, which as I see it is someone who thinks like me, or, as I don't have that much time, someone who thinks like the people who think for me. And pay me for the privilege, which is a very neat trick.

Yes, I demand someone like myself. Someone with a bit of integrity. A yob who can be bought and stay damn well bought. And, once bought, when asked to jump has the decency to inquire as to the desired altitude to be assayed. Not some boot-lick Deist in his pyjamas who keeps the nation waiting while he checks in with the Almighty for a moral opinion. Pshaw!

Judged by God! Who the Hell is He to judge? Some tarted up myth on the Vatican payroll. No! I insist our politicians be judged and convicted properly in the headlines of the newspapers -- English newspapers -- that I read, or am told to read by the people who do my thinking for me. Or the Beeb. Let Englishmen be judged by Englishmen of the press, not some shadowy sectarian transgalatic Holier-Than-Thou, Bigger-Than-Life, and, purported, Know-It-All of Christian and/or Jewish (the Jews!) origin.

Unless your man is an Islamite, then, well, Mohammed (PBUH) is his man. ...

Count me in with the gentle Rose Gentle in the Scotsman, which I do not read but have it on authority that she is quite disgusted with witchcraft being invoked in matters of defence.

Mr. Blair would do well to do his heavenly hallucinating on his own time and not gouge the commonweal for consultations with supernatural persons. What's God charge for these "judgments"? You can bet it's not cheap! And not on any proper expense ledger signed off by Mr. Blair. Cannot Mr. Blair seek daily guidance on matters before the government, much as I do, in the many excellent online horoscope services available for free?

Oh, and damn fine piece of weepery by your Ms. Riddell. Spot on sentimental drivel about Iraq. Her selective culling of heart-tugs and decontextualized horrors rightly puts the blame squarely on Mr. Blair and his Divine Bogeyman instead of the Iraqi patriots who are compelled to extort, bully, kidnap, rape, starve, decapitate, blow up, and pitilessly murder their deserving compatriots to restore the Iraq we had all come to accept, respect, and profit by.

Sincerely yours,
George Galloway MP
Respect Member of Parliament for Bethnal Green and Bow
Socialist
Orientalist (amateur)
Vexatious litigant (professional)

As seen on or before:
• Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf Regime Change Undo Telethon (Years 1, 2, 3, and scheduled for 2006)
• Hearings before the United States Congress
• Big Brother (cat impersonator and scrub)

Available for:
• Book signings
• Talk shows, reality TV, celebrity makeovers (no weight loss, please), and public moral uplift
• Events serving a complimentary box lunch

[Hat tip: Carine]