Pave: Génie gaulois : New York Defender

Le jour 235 de Sarko

It's sick, it's a sick mind.

Jim Riches,
father of a fallen WTC fireman,
remarking on the génie gauloise
(infra)

Imagine for a moment, that an American game developer has created a video game based on the 14,800+ French, mostly elderly, who in August 2003 died from the heat while family, the government, and the greatest health care system in world was on vacation.

These deaths were largely preventable, so the object of the game is to save as many mémés et papies as you can from a ten-story public housing building. They have locked themselves in their apartments because they are afraid of the neighborhood racaille and refuse to open their doors.

You are a hands-on ministre délégué in the Ministère de la Santé. You must break down doors and forcibly carry them down the stairs without dropping them or load them in elevators for transport. Once below, you must sit them on a block of ice in the shade outside. The more flights, the more points awarded. You must clear a floor of its elderly before advancing to the next floor. Seniors can only be rescued in apartment number sequence. There are hundreds of apartments.

An elevator may be used, but only when it is not occupied by encagoulés dealing drugs, guns, or pimping their girlfriends. All the elevators are in poor repair and may breakdown suddenly. Elevators are a full degree hotter than the stairwell.

Once the game commences the temperature steadily rises. Seniors begin to expire at temperatures of 98°F (37°C) and greater. The higher the temperature, the faster they expire. To make it challenging, for every elder you save the ambient temperature jumps an extra ⅛°F. The higher the floor, the hotter the temperature.

For every elder that expires though, you must stop and write a memo, in triplicate, blaming someone other than yourself. One copy goes to Jack Chirac, who is vacationing in Canada. A second copy goes to your boss, Jean-François Mattéi, who is drafting his own exculpation. The third copy is to file. There is not much time.

Oh! Almost forgot. On the very top floor in the very last two apartments, there reside your very own mémés et papies. OK?

Ready. Steady. [Wait for it, wait for it.] Go.

Does such a game sound like great fun?

No? And why not? [Pause.] With the rules rigged for you to fail, perhaps it only offends your sense of fair play. Or is it, gentle reader, because it disgusts your sense of decency, or because it is depraved to mock the dead and the bereaved, or because it is plainly cruel and malicious.

Of course, no such game exists. Nor should it. However the French have cooked up something equally disgusting, equally vicious, if not more so, for us Americans.

09.11, THE GAME
Every Game The Towers Fall
[Featuring Cindy Lee (née Isabelle Laeng,
ex-stripper and founder of the Parti du plaisir)
as the national génie gaulois]

The strapline reads:

Utilisez votre souris pour combattre le sentiment d'impuissance

[Use your mouse to fight the feeling of helplessness]

FAMILIES, VICTIMS OUTRAGED BY 9/11 ONLINE GAME
French-Made 'New York Defender' Recreates Terror Attacks

NEW YORK January 2, 2008 (CBS) - On the surface, it's just a game. For many Americans however, it's a game that is not only offensive, but also opens up old and painful wounds. Remembered as one of the worst days in American history, countless millions believe Sept. 11, 2001, should never be duplicated, not even in a video game.

Apparently, a group of French Internet video game makers never got the message, and now families of victims from that horrid day are enraged with the notion that children get to replay the tragedy over and over again.

... The goal of the French-made Internet game, "New York Defender," according to the designer, is for players to shoot down planes before they strike the towers and cause them to come crumbling down.

... [The] French game designer said there is no way to win the game.

The sole purpose is to illustrate the ultimate impossibility of fighting terrorism.

[Hat tip: Hervé]

No matter how fast, no matter how good you are, all the Americans die. Beaucoup amusé. [Une pause.] N'est-ce pas?

The game can be found here.

PFFT (What is this?): Le génie gaulois 0 | That French nuance thing 0 | Rayonnement français 0

Posted by Damian at January 5, 2008 04:30 AM