NYC Letter: Vicious, Stupid, And Obscene

Countdown 41 days to go

We have found it necessary to enlarge our categories for Mrs. Palin's maligners. "Vicious" and "stupid" covers a lot of ground, but they don't cover Doug Stanhope.

Who is Doug Stanhope? He bills himself as a stand-up comedian and was a one-time host of a Girls Gone Wild video. In 2006 he announced early for president as a Libertarian, then abandoned his campaign in 2007 and endorsed Ron Paul, then dumped Mr. Paul in 2008 and endorsed Mr. Obama.

In furtherance of his support for Mr. Obama he put up a Web site offering Bristol Palin cash to abort her baby.

SAVING BRISTOL

Never in history has a woman been under more pressure to keep an unwanted pregnancy than Bristol Palin. She is the teenage daughter of Alaska Governor & Vice-Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin - a conservative, Creationist Christian power-vampire and pro-life huckster who has put Bristol and her un-welcomed fetus at the center of a politico-religious crusade to stop her exercising her constitutional right to terminate the pregnancy.

Rather than sit back and impotently bemoan Bristol's tragic, lonely circumstance, it is time for us - the silent majority - to unite behind this poor, imprisoned woman and save her from both a tyrannical household as well as the horrible nightmare of a forced childbirth.

These are not empty words. I, Doug Stanhope, am offering you, Bristol Palin, the sum of 25,000 dollars [Since increased to $50,000.] so that you can abort your child and move out of that draconian home.

Mr. Stanhope just knows Bristol Palin's interior. How? Because Mr. Stanhope "accidentally impregnated a girl" and, well, one impregnated girl is the same as any other.

I was once in a similar situation where I'd accidentally impregnated a girl and she had to make that same fateful decision that now faces you. It was easy for her - she didn't have a fascist, oligarch parent, the entire Republican Party or the sneering eyes of the Christian Right to contend with, much less a daft, puppet boyfriend who's just waiting for the cameras to stop rolling so he can bolt like a gazelle.

We made the right choice and rather than end up bitter rivals in court battles over custody or support, we are great friends who high-five over our decision and have all the free time and disposable income that young mothers never know. I now pay it forward and offer some of that money to you.

There is more of this self-admiring obscenity, but this is enough to fairly present what passes for decency on the not so far left.

Of course, Mr. Stanhope could offer a million billion trillion dollars without danger to his credit rating, because he and his loan officer know the offer will never be called. On the one hand he pretends to know Bristol so as to smear her mother, and on the other hand, what he actual does know -- that Bristol wants her baby -- allows him to grandstand with phony philanthropy.

We forgo our usual background links because why improve Mr. Stanhope's Google rankings?

Joe Biden lookalike and cable exile, Bill Maher has a knock-off site for Levi Johnston. You see, Bill Maher is so brilliant that he can re-shape Mr. Stanhope's material as his own.